Christ is Here! Finally!

Outside the snow has added a fresh layer to the corners of the window. My tea warms my hands as I curl up on the couch, listening to my favorite Christmas album. My family's Christmas tree sits before me, miraculously holding up the pounds of ornaments that adorn its branches.

It's Christmastime in the Midwest and I am beside myself with joy and contentment. There's something about coming home, holding family tight and celebrating the birth of our savior.

Into my adulthood, I've realized that while digging into Christ's story and His character, I learn so much. It seems that each Christmas season there's one new thing God is teaching me throughout my favorite time of year.

Last year was my first Christmas season away from family and away from the Midwest. Moving to California changed how I had to see Christmas. It didn't need to be about the snow, the traditions I had made years before but now couldn't be a part of, or even being with family. God stripped away those things last year to make room for Him, to clear away the clutter so that I could focus on what Christmas really is all about - Christ.

This year God has me focused on a different aspect of the Christmas Story: the fulfillment of the prophecy.
It's been incredible as I've been doing my devotionals to look at the Christmas story and go to the corresponding Old Testament references to that part of the story. For instance, Hosea 11:1 predicted that Joseph would take Mary and Joseph out of the country to Egypt after His birth (at this point, now 3 or so years after) because of Herod.
That is just one example out of many. There are countless other Old Testament verses that indicate certain things in Jesus' birth story.

After reading all the Old Testament references, I couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like to live before His birth, anticipating this day, and the joy that fell upon them learning of His birth.

For so long, the scriptures, their heritage, their teachings said that one day a savior would come. That he'd be born of a virgin in Bethlehem, and that Shepherds and Kings would come to worship Him. And that later they'd flee the country fearing for their lives, then return...and that He would be the Son of God and called Lord. They knew it was coming. They anticipated that day, I'm sure.

Then it happened. Exactly as the scriptures indicated, God gave his Son to this earth. He who would become our savior. And they worshiped him, for they were filled with unspeakable joy that, in fact, God hadn't abandoned him. For, you see, Immanuel was prophesied by Isaiah to come - that name means "God with us." All of those years, waiting, hoping, praying for His coming, and they finally had Him. It was, in fact, the greatest gift, for he represented Hope. Hope for a future filled with peace, joy, love.

And those who came to see him fell upon their knees in awe, in joy, in gladness, in thankfulness, in worship to Christ, their Lord. I would imagine tears streamed upon their faces as they sang praises to God. The heavenly hosts sang "Glory to God in the Highest! And on earth, Peace among men with whom He is pleased."

Tonight, as I stood next to my family and hundreds of other families at the Christmas eve service, singing hymns praising his birth, I began to cry. (I usually don't admit this, but in the past couple years, I've become way more of a crier than ever before.) I began to cry, imagining bowing down before my Lord, in awe and wonder that He is with us, just as was prophesied hundreds of years before He was born. And just as was prophesied, we were given Immanuel - for the gift of Christ was given.

          "O, Come let us adore him! Christ, The Lord!"

"Shepherds, why this jubilee?

Why your joyous strains prolong?

What the gladsome tidings be

Which inspire your heavenly song?

GLORIA, IN EXCELSIS DEO (glory to God in the highest)!"

"Fall on your knees - Oh hear, the angel's voices! Oh, night when Christ was born!"

These songs carry such weight and emotion in them - can't you hear it in the words and the melody? What joy must have been that night! Everything they'd hoped and prayed for was in front of them, there, in the flesh.

And that couldn't embody the truest meaning of Christmas more: God giving His son to us, our savior, our Lord and King.

I hope you take some time to consider the Old Testament prophecies and how they bring so much depth to the Christmas story this season. But mostly, I hope you celebrate the birth of our savior, and what joy comes with accepting his grace and love.
Merry Christmas to you, from snowy South Dakota!

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It's Christmastime in The Cottage!

One of my favorite traditions during Christmas-time is all the Christmas decorating. Who doesn't love staring at lights, tinsel, garland, and, now that I live in Southern California, *fake snow?

A couple nights ago, my roommate and I went to go get our Christmas Tree, which we later affectionately dubbed "Alfalfa," for he has a funny cowlick of a branch in the back. He smells like a great Christmas tree and oftentimes I will walk up to the tree just to close my eyes and take a whiff of the pine.

Though the majority of our Christmas tree is filled with round shiny ornaments, there are several that have cute meanings behind them - Kim and her love affair with owls, plus a Hello Kitty arrangement that she bought upon her engagement with Wes...me and a few I handmade recently.

In addition to the obligatory wrapping-selves in lights and sipping hot cocoa while dancing around to Jingle Bell Rock, we also decked our halls in garland, poinsettias, tinsel, stockings, and more lights.

There is something so calming and soothing about just sitting and staring at the lights in silence late in the night. The peace that fills my soul as I sit and sip on a cup of tea, getting lost in a daze of memories and dreams.

Christmas time is my favorite time of the year. And though I still have no (real) snow, I am truly enjoying the advent of our Lord Jesus Christ and celebrating the season with friends that are family.

Soon this house will be busting with people, eating and chatting and having a grand time. Now its time to get baking and prepping!

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november

In Ten Words:searching . preparing . tea . writing . friendships . hopeful . wandering . pumpkin . longing . caribou mug (I concede the last one is 2 words.)

Perfect Day:Sunday. No matter how tired, frustrated, stressed, worried, and anxious I am about everything, from the time I enter into worship in the morning, take the afternoon to wander and be quiet, and then spend the evening with the youth group, it's a day full of spiritual refreshment. I wish all days could be Sundays.

Inspiration:a book of poems I picked up at a garage sale a while back.
Dee Henderson & Susan May Warren.
the dream of cozying up next to the fireplace writing for hours on end.

Unwind:Sipping a cup of tea while reading, writing, or watching Friends as my roommate sews a dress.

Can't live without:My walks. I love getting to take short breaks throughout the day and taking some time to spend with God, discussing my future, my heart, my frustrations, my fears, my dreams...

Favorite Indulgence:Chocolate. I guess nothing changes.
That, and bedtime tea in my Caribou mug or my "H" mug.

Currently Most Played on iPod:
Moon River - Andy Williams
River - Sarah McLachlan
After You - Breanne Duren
Helicopter - Branches
Home - The Piano Guys

Proudest Moment:NaNoWriMo 2013!
If by some miracle I finish, I'll have 50,000 words by November 30th.

Biggest Challenge:Making time for writing and chores and cooking every night.

Memory:The day the Vikings won. Victory never tasted so sweet.

You can find me:When not at work, either curled up on the couch with a mug of tea writing or at Element or a bookstore writing.

3 goals:
Write
Write some more
Write 50,000 words by November 30th

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contentment

I usually think of birds symbolizing adventure, soaring on the wind, taking the breeze wherever it leads them. Watching them fly on the streams of air, I often forget that they just sit, too. I recently saw several birds sitting on phone wires and singing to each other. And I couldn't help but wonder about their seemingly content nature, just resting and enjoying the place they're at.

Part of me longs for adventure, always wanting to fly away. But many times, I often forget that I need to sit. To stay. To stay and be content to stay.

It's always greener on the other side of the fence, and it's always easier to want adventure when you're sitting and to want to sit when you're on an adventure. But contentment is something to be learned. And I am learning just that.

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far from the madding crowd

somewhere south of bemidji, mn

it seems to me i'd like to go
where bells ne'er ring or whistles blow;
where clocks ne'er strike and gongs ne'er sound,
but where there's stillness all around.

not real still stillness - just the trees'
low whisperings or the croon of bees;
the drowsy tinkling of the rill,
or twilight song of whippoorwill.

'twould be a joy could i behold
the dappled fields of green and gold,
or in the cool, sweet clover lie
and watch the cloud-ships drifting by.

i'd like to fid some quaint old boat,
and find its oars, and with it float
along the lazy, limpid stream
where water-liles drowse and dream.

sometimes it seems to me i must 
just quit the city's din and dust,
for fields of green and skies of blue
and, say! how does it seem to you?


-Nixon Waterman.


This poem has been speaking to me. and seems to fit my novel I'm working on. I picked up a book called "best loved poems" at a garage sale some month-or-so ago. It's an old worn-down book with yellowing pages that are tattered at their corners and smell like history. I've found it to be enthralling, enchanting, yet relaxing and soothing. I may not be a poet, but I do love the written word when it ebbs and flows so beautifully.

I hope you find the solace and quiet from the noise of the city streets. 

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Adventuring with Ashley

My apologies for missing last week!
I had a splendid time adventuring and catching up with my friend Ashley, also affectionately known as "Carlizzle." Ashley and I have known each other since high school when we were put in the same cabin at camp. And then we eventually both ended up working at said camp. And, so they say, the rest is history.

Well, to make a long story short, she ended up dating someone from just down the road, who happens to know, like, ALL of my friends. Ok, not all. But really, a lot of them. So longer story short, she came out to visit me. Ok, and him. Ok, really more him, but also me.

When I finally got to steal my favorite Cheesehead away, we adventured down the PCH past Sycamore Cove by one of the random ocean access points. I made her trek across rocks to the tide pools, curiously poking at sea anenenenemoes and starfish as we wondered at God's creative mind. I always love adventuring along the PCH. It never gets old, really. The vastness of the ocean, the colors, even on a grey day, the uniqueness of oceanic creatures...they enthrall me.
After our tide pool adventures, I made her walk all the way up the sandhill for the sunset, where we proceeded to have much-needed girl talk and God talk. What a blessing it was for me and hopefully as much for her!

I also was on the receiving end of many awkward hugs, and introduced several others to the experience I now relish. Like This.

Last week went by way too fast to not try to grasp every moment. It was a week I will never forget. And I shall miss my Carlizzle, her laughter, her hugs, her presence...but mostly, her love. Thank goodness for these handy new-fangled things called iPhones.

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A Birthday to Die For

(Lunchtime Fiction.)

He chewed on his sunflower seeds, spitting the shells into the cup. His fisted hand clamped the steering wheel so tight as he sat watching the children play. It didn't need to happen this way, but they made it happen. His child died, after all, so why shouldn't they also know the burning pain that seers through your heart every moment of every day. His son would never get to play football with his buddies, go fishing with his family, flirt with girls in his teenage years. If his son would never experience life, theirs shouldn't either. Their child was the reason it all happened, anyway.

Mr. Danton grabbed the dinosaur piñata out of the back seat and walked up to the yard.

"Hi, Uncle Tim!" squealed the birthday boy, who'd obviously had several doses too many of sugar.
Little Jake gave him a hug and he returned with a smile and a "Happy Birthday!"
"Is that my piñata?!"
"Don't touch it - I'll hang it over the tree branch."

Was he going to miss the hugs from this sweet little boy? Sure. But he missed his sons hugs more.

"Thanks, Tim," said his brother, Brody. "Let me help you tie it - "
"No, I got it. You take care of those burgers on the grill."

His anger was in a fist of rage clamped around his heart as he hung the dinosaur to the tree.
It shouldn't hurt anyone else. He'd make sure it'd be the birthday boy who swung the bat first.

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Paint the Light

One of my favorite films, albeit rather cheesy, is The Christmas Cottage, a fictional film representing the work and life of a great artist, Thomas Kinkade.
I've always been fascinated by his work. His paintings seem to capture enchanting scenes of a life I wish for. Streets filled with the laughter of children, or a quaint and charming cottage tucked in a corner by the riverbed, where the water meanders its way through the pasture. My favorite, of course, are his wintertime paintings, which seem to capture the spirit and joy of the Christmas season contrasted against the soft and quiet evenings by the fireplace.
In the movie, his mentor tells him to "Paint the Light." And what a beautiful picture that becomes, when you paint the light.

I love that idea. For there is so much darkness and madness in the world, it's hard to find that solid truth. But what joy and comfort comes by the light of the world.

I like to take walks during my short breaks during the day. And as I walk under this small line of trees, I love closing my eyes and lifting my head upwards. The sun pokes through the leaves and hits my face, and though I may have my eyes closed, I can still feel and sense the sun bursting through as it hits face. Today, I decided to capture the light.

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handprints

I love walking around our neighborhood. I've met several of the families that live on our block, and typically have conversations with Jerry, our neighbor, on a weekly basis.

On one of my recent walks I found a line of handprints outside of a home. I'd never noticed them before, but as I walked past, they had an inexplicable draw that kept me staring at them, trying to guess who each family member is, how old they were, and how their lives have changed since.

I'm always intrigued by these things - somehow adding a handprint into cement is a physical connection to the past, solidifying your lifelong handprint on this earth. It makes me wonder what their metaphorical handprint was like, whose lives they touched, what they did.

And then it makes me think...what would others say about my handprint?

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It's a Writer's Life

Plotting each act for my different characters

One of my favorite things about living in a house with these girls is we are all in one facet or another creative people. Mackenzie is creative in many endeavors, but shines in her career field as a fashion designer for 2b while building up her own business as a custom wedding gown designer. (You can find her exquisite work here.)
Alli is in school pursuing an art degree, and in the meantime, paints occasionally for decor in our house. My favorite of hers I've seen so far has been an incredible sketch of an animated character.
Kim is an English teacher. English teachers were always my favorite, so it's no surprise that Kim and I have lately enjoyed the occasional discussion of Hamlet and existentialism during the few hours I see of her each day. (Being a teacher, she's far from the night-owl I am.)

Me? Well I just do what I can whenever I can. I'm so blessed in my job to have the flexibility to let my creative mind wander, brainstorming new blog posts, tweets, youtube videos, graphics, and sample yearbook pages. (I work at a self-publishing place, by the way.)

I was always intrigued by creative writing. There were several times I had story ideas and characters floating around in my head, but didn't know how to put it down on paper. Then life happened, and I went into journalism - a form of writing that really isn't anything similar to writing a novel. And from there, I always just kept telling myself "I'm not a novelist," thinking that because I didn't graduate with 3 novels and a myriad of poems and short stories under my belt meant that I couldn't be a writer...at least a creative writer.

And then in the fall of 2010, the beginning of my senior year of college, I attended a women's conference at my favorite place - Big Sandy Camp. It was there that my soon-to-be favorite author, Susan May Warren, was the speaker. I was fascinated by her haunting tales of run-ins with the Russian mob and found her hilarious "oops" stories of motherhood enthralling. But beyond her elaborate tales of hilarity and adventure, there was a comfort and an alikeness I latched onto. I quickly found out that not only do we share a love of dancing and football, but that her purpose in writing novels was what I felt as a purpose as a journalist. That first evening, she sparked within me my desire to find that story and write it. And that night, at her minimal display table in the corner, my mother bought me the book pictured above, called "From the Inside Out" by Susan and her cohort Rachel Hauck. Inside that workbook I found another world that to helped me discover that novel waiting to break free. I can't recommend this book enough if you've ever thought about writing.

Fast forward 2 years. I sorta pulled a "me" and let my adventure of novel writing fall to the wayside. Somewhere, in the abyss of my computer, lies a word document with about as much written on it as a sophomore English paper.

Then, last November, someone told me about this thing called NanoWrimo. For those of you who aren't familiar with what that may be, it's short for National Novel Writers Month. The goal of NanoWrimo is simply to write a novel in 30 days. Wait...simply? not so much.
I was a bit late to the party, though, and wasn't even able to flesh out my story and really write before day 30 hit the calendar. I continued for several months, trying to work through storylines, the "why's" of my characters and their actions, and just generally where the story was going. Then I got busy with 3 jobs and was simply too exhausted to really find my characters again.

And here I am, almost a year later, still with a barely written first chapter. But all thanks to my writer-kicker-in-the-butt Sam, she...well, kicked me in the butt.
So, I've VOWED...upon humiliation and death of a piece of my inner-confidence, that 2013 is the year it's gonna happen. I'm committing to finishing this novel by November 30th! I started working through all the remaining how's and why's and what's and who's of my story on Friday. And I believe I have most of it figured out. Now I just have to commit it to words. On paper. (Oh, dear Lord in Heaven, please give me strength to finish this goal!)

So, dear friends, I have 2 weeks to finish up the last of this detailed plotting, and away I will go on this adventure my NanoWriMo friends affectionately call it "The best and worst month of your life." It's a whirlwind, a struggle, a breath of fresh air, way too much coffee (or other legal addictive stimulants), and the best month of your life.  Care to join with me on this journey? You won't regret it! (You may wish to strangle me during that month, but you won't regret it.) Sign up! do it! (Mainly, I'm just begging you to do it alongside me... like a running buddy...because I know I'll need someone pushing me to keep up!)

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3 things I learned from Butternut Squash.

Last night I got all excited about the autumnal weather we've been having and decided I needed something "fall" to make for dinner. So a variation of butternut squash soup it was. I learned several things while doing said activity.

Here I slave away on my butternut squash soup while Rachel takes it easy.
She was on doctor's orders to do just that, so I insisted that she could, in fact, make herself
useful by chopping the onion and reading me directions from a seated position. 

1) I'm learning to love really weird foods...for me. I spent nearly 2 hours yesterday making a butternut squash soup from scratch.  I do not usually like squash. Yet what I've discovered while living with Mackenzie and Kim is that Quinoa and Kale and Squash are simply staples in the house. Learn to cook them well and you'll learn to like them. Minnesota may have made the hipster, but California wins the award for "food hipsters as roommates who will change your tastebuds."
*Note: The butternut squash, I would later find out, actually wasn't butternut squash. I accidentally used the Acorn squash left out by Kim. Oops! Sorry, Kim!

2) Friendships happen in the kitchen. Seriously. I can't tell you how many laugh-out-loud moments and serious, in-depth conversations happen while cooking dinner or doing the dishes.

3) A working dishwasher is going to be a requirement for whenever I get married. (Ours is currently out of commission until the appliance man shows up to fix it.) That will, alone, likely cut down frustrations by 60%.

In the end, it was rather good soup! I may even make it again soon. Next time, however, I'll need to actually use butternut squash. Sorry, Kim.

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The Rain Protector

I was born in Elmsford, New York, a small town just a short drive northeast from the city. It's a quaint and cozy place, one where people nestle among the trees, sipping their coffee as they drop in and out of each others' homes and businesses. The town was named after my predecessor, Mighty Ulmus the elm tree. Mr. Ulm was the town protector, and upon himself he took the duty of sheltering the town as he could by stretching his branches and leaves along the town. He grew strong and sturdy, and though many storms tried to tear him away to get to the town, his roots were too strong and deep to raze him. He would not give in. Mr. Ulm lived for some hundred years before Dutch Elm Disease swept through the land and tragically claimed his life mid-summer in 1980. And that was the birth of me.

You see, the town had no other protector against the rain. Since all the Elms had been wiped out by the very disease that took their elder, it was necessary for the residents of Elmsford to create their own shelter. The townsfolk put together their resources and created me, an umbrella.

And that's how I, George Bradley, was born. I now take great pleasure in protecting my owner, Ms. Heather Davidson, as she takes me for walks outside on rainy days. She seems to enjoy the rain, but I know she gets quite irritable when she becomes wet and cold. So like Mr. Ulm years before me, I unfold myself and stretch out my cloth to keep the rain from falling on her. (She especially doesn't like it when her hair gets wet when it's straight. I still don't understand why that's such a big deal, but what do I know, I'm just an umbrella.) We have a great relationship, she and I. Some people even call me her Mary Poppins umbrella, which I must admit boosts my ego, as that's who I aspire to be.

We reside in Roseville, a suburb near Minneapolis. It's one of my favorite places, actually. I may have been born in New York, and have moved around quite a bit in my life, but I have found great comfort in this city, with its rain-coated streets and miles of lakeshore to stroll around.

I've gotten a few dings and dents from the wear of time, but just like Mr. Elm, nothing has bring me to ruin yet. My greatest battle is usually with Mrs. Wind, an emotional and sometimes angry mistress. She can get under my cloth like no one else, and when she does, she can break my bones. But Heather is quite careful and we battle Mrs. Wind together.

For now, I sit nestled in the coat closet, chatting with her fall and spring jackets, boots and scarves. They're quite friendly, and we like to talk about how we can work together to make Heather's life a better one.

Until the next time it rains....
Mr. Bradley

______________________________________________________________________

This is not one of my better pieces of writing...far from it, actually, but in my goal to post something at least once/week, if not MORE, the idea is to simply write, whether or not it's crap. Today as certainly more about the creative process than the writing itself, so I allowed myself (for the most part) to "just write" without tending to as many sentences I felt were rather lackluster.

Every once in a while I get struck with the mood to write, but don't know exactly what I want to say or how to say it. So tonight, as I sat trying to figure out how to flush out this funk I'm in, I had to get creative to figure out what to write about. I found this picture while going through old photos and thought it fit my mood lately. But I had no idea what I could write about it.
Originally I thought my story would be about the rain. I take a lot of inspiration from nature, and though I liked what I could do with rain, I wanted to expand my thought process into something different.
Hoping to spark other inspiration, I pulled out a book I bought a couple years ago called "Write Starts" - a book of writing prompts that has gone mostly untouched since its purchase. One of the prompts was "Is it possible for inanimate obejects to have an interesting life?"

It was then I thought of an umbrella.
The story unfolded from there. I wanted to tell the story of an umbrella, its life, its purpose, its relationship to its owner (something I think girls could understand more as an accessory than a man.)
One of the companies I searched for manufactured its umbrellas in this actual town of Elmsford, which according to the all-knowing source of Wikipedia, was apparently founded in 1870, its namesake coming from the giant Elm that stood in the center of town. I subsequently found I was loving Mr. Ulm's story, as well, perhaps a bit too much for this story, but felt I had to tell the story of Ulm's legacy to give Mr. George Bradley a purpose. (For those of you wondering, George Bradley is a modified reference to one of my favorite films, Roman Holiday, whose character Joe Bradley is played by the suave and handsome Gregory Peck.)

From there, I had fun taking it back to my Minneapolis days (where this picture was taken) and describing at least the minimum relationship between Heather Davidson (my Regina Falange) and Mr. Bradley. Maybe this could become an adventure series, the adventures of Mr. Bradley and Ms. Davidson...who knows?

And so went the creative portion for my evening. I think this getting back into writing kick could get fun.

~ Hannah

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. october .

Making: a novel, a yearbook, and a website design.
Cooking: French Dips and Au Jus
Drinking: peach tea
Reading: Escape to Morning by Susan May Warren
Wanting: to come home and drive unhurriedly up the North Shore of lake superior with all the beautiful fall foliage, which should be nearing its peak really soon.
Looking: forward to doing laundry with a non-leaking, working washing machine
Playing: Branches on Pandora
Wasting: gas on a drive down the PCH to Malibu.
Sewing: something my roommate is for.
Wishing: I could rest my head upon my daddy's shoulders, then accept his challenge to a game of rummy while watching John Wayne.
Enjoying: Writing again.
Waiting: as patiently as I can for God's timing for His next step in my life.
Liking: the Santa Ana winds currently rushing down the hills
Wondering: what other "noises" do we hear that are really beautiful to others. (Listen to crickets slowed down)
Loving: my family of friends here, who make me laugh and listen to my rants and sorrows, and encourage me to be better than I am, yet give me grace and love when I fail.
Marveling: at God's creation, like really cool starfish.
Needing: God's love and mercy and grace. 
Smelling: the pumpkin candle Kim bought for our house.
Wearing: my comfies- fuzzy socks, sweats and a t-shirt.
Following: blindly.
Noticing: new characteristics 
Thinking: about doing the dishes.
Knowing: this is a blessing.
Giggling: secretly at my roommate, also giggling. (She just got home from Europe 2 days ago and is that kind of tired.)
Opening: my windows hoping my room will cool down for bedtime.
Feeling: held.

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Inspired.

It's so refreshing to have a new design on the blog. Like a fresh start, there's a renewed energy towards blogging. My beautiful friend Julia keeps inspiring me with her beautifully simplistic posts. Part of me used to, and admittedly, still does, think that I have to have something incomparably beautiful to blog about, and if I can't compose anything that could compare to Jane Austen, there's no reason to write it.

I had a Saturday excursion with the lovely Samantha Stevens, who I consider my writer-kicker-in-the-butt. She told me the same thing I knew but hadn't applied: whether it's crap or not isn't the issue. Quit being an editor and be a creator. So part of my creative process is gathering inspiration, which I've been lacking. So I've been flitting my way through pinterest lately, gathering bits and pieces of random inspiration. I don't know why they named pinterest instead of pinsperation. (Or maybe, just like me, when saying that out loud, they realized just how close that sounds to perspiration, which would not give the same effect.) I've been learning that inspiration is everywhere, and it is my duty as a creator to seek out inspiration to continue creating. So I'm committing to blogging at least once a week. It may be a little blurb, it may be a 1,000 word essay on the lessons learned from the last church service, but it'll be a post.

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The Trees Want You Back

 As I drive down the PCH and take in grand, picturesque views of the ocean, I am struck with awe. It still doesn't grow old - the piercing blue of the water. the waves that crash upon the shore and like a magnetic pull, are drawn back to the very thing that pushed them away. the adventures by the break-rocks, discovering starfish, anemones, and crabs. It's so unique to me. 

I grew up in a land where the deer bounded across the fields and the beavers kept daming up the brooke through my grandfather's farm. I enjoy exploring and spending hours staring out at the vast expanse in front me, knowing I am quite literally sitting on the edge of the United States.

Yet as I sit in awe and wonder, I yearn for the grass on the other side of the fence, the comfort of home.
(Here's where you grab a cup of a tea, press play and just listen... You're welcome.)


I've started listening to my fall playlist lately. It's funny how certain songs just bring you back to a feeling or emotion, a place, or a memory. I've been desperately needing a grand dose of Amy Seeley and A Fine Frenzy mixed in with Ty Burkum, Travis, Simon & Garfunkel, John Denver, Sarah McLachlan and of course my certain song selections of Lorie Line. 

I've been living in California for over a year now and the lack of true seasonal changes affects me more than I'm comfortable with. Usually around this time I look forward to our grey days filled with an autumnal chill. I enjoy sipping a chai as I take walks through the woods and around the lakes. I adorn myself in jackets and scarves, drive unhurriedly up north to towns like Taylors Falls, past Duluth into Grand Marais, and McGregor, and nestle myself in the quiet of the woods.

A drive with no ambition, meandering roads to a destination unknown.
Grand Marais Bound - October 2008

It's my favorite Northern Shore town.
Quaint and cozy, it's the home of one of my favorite authors, Susan May Warren.
Grand Marais, October 2005

From "Lookout Rock" in Taylors Falls, the St. Criox River.
Minnesota on one side, Wisconsin on the other.
Brought together by fall scenery.

One of my favorite places for walks while I was at Northwestern.
Just several blocks away this pathway wrapped around the lake. 

For whatever reason, as summer fades into autumn, I grow more introverted. I typically gather my energy from long nights filled with friendly laughter and mischief. Yet autumn falls upon me and I seek out the quiet nooks where I'd rather hide than seek.

It's unsettling, still, to have not found that place, that fallen log in the woods to sit by as the skies turn grey and the threat of the winter nips at the heels of summer.

There are sights I see here that I don't take for granted: the mountains as I turn the corner to head to work in the morning, the view coming down the grade, the complete vastness of the serenely blue ocean water, or the crisp green palm trees contrasted against the sky. I do love it here. It's quite exquisite, and whenever I return to the midwest, they will be missed.

In the meantime, forgive me if I'm a bit homesick for the crisp autumn air and the crunch of leaves underfoot. 

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Creating from the heart - the best place.

I was once told that in order to write a story, you need to write from a place that speaks to your own soul, and something you have knowledge about. I find that true of just about any creative endevour - is that in order to produce a work that feels authentic and true, you should create from a place in your heart.

About 5 years ago now, my cousin showed me a photographer's website, the music on which was beautifully executed by the talented Amy Seeley. I loved her from that moment. As a musician, she has a completely unique sound that moved me. As a photographer, who has gained her popularity on instagram, she has a touching quiet quality.

Between the two, she is probably the majority of my inspiration lately. She lives in Kansas City, which, though it's no Minnesota, her posts and lyrics speak to my home-sick soul in a way where I can come away feeling comforted and reminded of the places I call home. She speaks of pines, of plains, of fog and frost. (Just a note: I really don't even try to alliterate anymore. It just happens. I'm not sorry.)

As I suspected would happen (which it has) I get so homesick for things. Things like taking a drive from the cities up hwy 65 to Grandma and Grampa's farm, acres of tall grass, cow pastures, and tall pines that cover the land with a small path that delves into its depths. Things like the small creek of the dock on the lake, or footsteps pounding, a breath of silence, and then a big splash sound as someone runs on the dock into the water. Or the rush of adrenaline that you get from a stormy night, staring out the window to catch an incredible lightning show. Or even watching as the thunderheads form and seeing a storm approach.
Or listening to the rain let loose from the sky, sometimes in a steady sleepiness and sometimes in an anger-induced rage. Or the scent after a good storm.
During the winter it was the hushed tones and the stillness of the snow gently fluttering down, or the  cozy lazy days you bundle up in warm pajamas and wrap yourself up in a cozy blanket next to a window, watching as the wind shoves the snow up against the house. Or the sound of ice-skates on a frozen lake.
Things like a melancholy autumnal drive along Lake Superior, caught in vibrance of the colored trees against the pale foggy sky. Or the crunch of the leaves underneath your feet.

It's amazing the things you realize how much you miss when you don't have them anymore.

Amy Seeley's work has continually brought me back to those places, at least in my mind if anything. But more-so, she has produced within me a creative drive and vision. Finding my voice in writing and choreography has been a lot to do with her work. (There are several others that would take too much time to delve into tonight.)

So while I make time to write, to choreograph, to create...take the time to think what sounds you'd miss if you left your home. Think what stunning views you'd long to be among again. Think of the smells that'd force you to close your eyes and breath deep in their richness.
Now take those and create. Create a picture. Create a poem. Create a dance, a short story, a film, a song, a drawing, a new facebook cover photo.

Creativity is not just for the creative. It's for everyone. Remembering these things as you play around with ideas will help your work flow and give it a clear voice.

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Reflection can be a good thing

It's not often that I post these. Actually, it's very rare. But a friend of mine recently posted her annual "Year Reflection Questionaire"...and I thought it appropriate for me this year given that 2012 was a big year for me. So, here goes.




2012

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Live more than 500 miles away from my family.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I typically don't make any new year's resolutions. I think the biggest one is simply just to pursue my relationship with God even further, and everything else will fall into place.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. My girl Kerin gave birth to her "miracle" baby boy.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? None. Though I traveled across half the country this year!

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? I'm not really sure. I would like many things, but mostly just a solid job, finances and housing.



7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? July 31 - the date I arrived in California to begin my residency in the Golden Coast State.






8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Moving cross-country.

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my job. Not fun, but it lead to a great life-change.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing other than a cold or two, thank goodness.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Macbook Pro and my iPhone! Oh, and a plane ticket home for Christmas!






12. Whose behavior merited celebration? These questions are so difficult to answer. I suppose I could list off many of my dancers and gymnasts who have grown, both developmentally and socially.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Again, these questions are just too tough to answer. I work with children ages 3-15, so there will always be moments I go "You're kidding me, right?" But you correct their behavior and move on.






14. Where did most of your money go? Bills. Bills bills and more bills. (Part of paying the price for attending a private Christian college.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Abigail's wedding celebrations! Moving. :-) And then, 5 months later, being able to come home! Also, whenever anybody came to visit me in LA!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Gangnam Style, obviously. Otherwise, any of the songs we're doing for dance or gymnastics.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Slightly happier, I suppose. Homesick, but also confident that God has placed me in California.






18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I could have had the money to take more dance classes at Edge. It's a pleasure to teach, but part of teaching is also keeping up and pushing yourself technically and artistically, as well, and that includes taking classes. I also wish I would have been able to see more of my friends and spend quality time with them. I don't take any moment with friends and family for granted.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying and complaining (even if just in my head). Mainly about finances and life situations.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve - traveling! From LAX to Denver (with a 3-hour layover in which I wandered throughout basically the entire airport), then onto Sioux Falls, from Sioux Falls to Watertown. Once I was home, I enjoyed my walk around the neighborhood staring at the glittering snow covering the ground and the Christmas lights adorning the houses. Then we headed to a Christmas eve service, which is probably one of my favorite things - candles in the dark singing Silent Night? Can't beat it. Then I was blessed to be able to spend Christmas with my immediate family, grandmother, whom we were able to bring to the house from the nursing home, and Ruth (the 'other other' sister.)

21. How will you spend New Years? (though it's already past) It was spent at my grandparents' farm in northern Minnesota, with my grandparents, aunts, cousins, and immediate family. We played games until about 10:45, watched the ball drop for NY time, then went to bed! We were all pooped.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Always and forever: FRIENDS. But, thanks to Ruth, I've now added White Collar and Psych to my repertoire. (And can't forget my ongoing love-affair with Castle.)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. Silly question.

24. What was the best book you read? Am I too Christian if I say the Bible? In all honesty, I can't tell you how much of a joy and comfort its brought to my life this year compared to other years. This has been one of the most trying years for me, but my faith in My God has grown immeasurably because I have begun being much more consistent in my daily Bible studies. Aside from the "Christian" answer, I can't recall a specific one I've loved, but I continue to read as much Susan May Warren and Dee Henderson as I can. If you need a book to read, you can't go wrong with those two authors! (I'm currently rereading Susan May Warren's Deep Haven series.)


25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Too many! Lindsey Stirling, The Piano Guys. I discovered Sara Jackson-Holman last year, but she came out with a new album recently.

26. What did you want and got? aside from a new computer and the iphone, I really just wanted to live in a place I enjoy. I miss Minnesota and the Twin Cities immeasurably, and I miss being close to my family and friends even more. However, I know and am confident that living in SoCal is exactly what I need right now, and I am taking pleasure in being so close of a drive to the ocean.






27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't think I saw many movies, but The Avengers was SO GREAT. I'm still debating about how I feel about The Hobbit, though it's definitely a positive experience either way.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 25. I watered my mom's garden, dropped by the house my best friend and other friends moved into and discovered they were gone... and got a text from them saying "We're at Wal-mart right now, you can't come with." But it all ended just fine, since I returned after they were back and sent me a text saying it was safe to return.
I was greeted with an "Avengers" themed birthday! Including an avengers gift bag, one Avengers t-shirt, another t-shirt with a button that when pressed, talked or made noises akin to Iron Man (my favorite Avenger), an Iron Man cup, and most importantly, Iron Man 1 & 2. I also got another perfect and beautiful card from my bestie.


We proceeded to watch the movies. And as I returned to my car, I discovered they had toilet-papered it. I have such nice friends. ;-)




29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More Satisfying? That's intense. And I think that one comes down to attitude.
My big thing for me I've learned is simply being satisfied in Christ. Satisfying with what he has planned for me right now. I'm learning not to plan out my life and be disappointed when I realize I'm not where I thought I wanted to be. But I'm exactly where God wants me to be, and that has given me the most comfort and satisfaction throughout the year.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Moving to California, I feel like I've retained my "classic" taste, but it's been a little more "casualized" if you will. With such a laid-back atmosphere, I've found myself wearing things with a bit more of a beachy/earthy tone, which I normally don't do. I also have acquired many more scarves.

31. What kept you sane? Two things, both stemming from one: My relationship with God. A) Scripture. I think I soaked up more scripture than ever before this year. B) My friends and family. I have great friends that encourage and challenge me in my faith. Friends I'd talk to in tears this summer when I needed encouragement and reassurance. I have a family that understands "the call." They understand what it means to do things that make no logical sense because God has called you to do so. And lastly, friends in California that allow me to talk about Minnesota practically incessantly (though I'm sure there are groans and rolling of eyes) and friends that simply love me.






32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? If I had to choose one? Probably Christian Ponder or Adrian Peterson. From what I've seen, they've both grown immensely as athletes, and they are growing in faith with God.

33. What political issue stirred you the most? It has for quite some time, and will probably always do so: gay marriage. I have my reasons of why I'm against it, and if you wish to discuss/understand my decision further, it will be in another post. But really, it all stems from my growing frustration of my generation's sense of "Self-entitlement" and "Do what feels good." ..that everyone deserves things (not just addressing gay marriage.)

34. Who did you miss? Everyone back home. I am so blessed as to currently be writing this as I sit at home and my family is upstairs...my best friend and other close friends just a mile away, and having recently seen or will be seeing other close friends from Minnesota. But mostly my family. I've missed joking with my sister, hugging my dad and mom, and movie/massage nights with my bff. And that will continue to be so.

35. Who was the best new person you met? Wow! That's hard because I've met many new awesome people. I think basically anyone in the Emmaus group would be in this category.

36. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2012:


A) Giving up your life to be a living chess-piece in God's plan, especially when you don't know why he moved you? Taking a leap of faith in God when he does move you? Very very difficult. But entirely worth it in so many ways.


B) Working hard. Giving your all in everything you do.
C) When you spent more of your life immersed in scripture, it improves your outlook on life dramatically.

I think I simply just learned a lot about myself in this year, too.

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