Imperfect and Loved

Ladies and Gentlemen of the world. There is a revelation I need to share. I am not perfect. Nor are you. Crazy idea isn't it?

Before I continue, please just know that I am being honest, which is something I am trying to do more of. Give me some credit for sharing this with you; It's not an easy thing to do.

I have grown up shopping bargains and clearance racks. I don't have extra money to spend on shopping a lot. I can't afford a COACH handbag, or Prada sunglasses. Most of my clothes are usually worn until either they don't fit or until they start getting holes in them. I eat a lot of macaroni & cheese, spaghetti and cereal because I am too "cheap" to spend my money on expensive (but delicious and healthy) foods. I pay for my own cell phone, my own travel money, and basically anything I want.
My body is also not perfect. My leg hairs grow too fast. My hair is too curly on the bottom, and isn't curly enough on top. My stomach isn't flat. I don't have the most beautiful cheekbones.
Sometimes I don't have the perfect manners I should have. I don't know what silverware to start eating with (although I do know to work from the outside in.) I sometimes say things that then three seconds later make me stick my foot in my mouth. I think I talk too much.
I am not perfect.

My grandfather and his wife aren't these people. They go on cruises an average of twice a year. Although they are in the process of retiring, they can still afford a number of things I can't. Somehow in my mind, I've built them up to be these perfect, prim and proper, fancy people. I am going to spend some time with them in a few short days. I am also meeting my step-grandmother's friends from the country club at a fancy dinner.
I became so nervous about this "meeting" that I literally began to feel sick, tired, and just heavy. It was constantly in my thoughts, and the more I thought about it, the more distraught and overwhelmed I became.

After having a mental breakdown at Target, my good friend Christine told me that I needed to spend time in the Bible. So I did. I can't tell you what a relief it was when God showed me that, yes, I am not perfect, but that's okay! Having designer purses and clothing doesn't make me a good person. Having the perfect body doesn't make me a good person. Even having the most proper of all manners doesn't make me a good person. I am a good person because God created me the way that I am.

What I am. God loves me the way that I am. So what am I?
I am caring. I love people in a way that most people cannot understand. I will fight to the greatest depths for any of my friends, and I truly believe that I am easy to get along with. I am not judgmental, and I love getting to know people and understand them.
I am beautiful. Yes, I am. Body fat, big and sometimes clogged pores, short legs, and big hips...I am still beautiful!! I have beautiful blue eyes, and a beautiful smile I inherited from my father. I have pretty hair when I do it right. I have small feet, and although sometimes I don't like that, I secretly do love them.
I do have manners, despite not having the most proper ones all the time!
I am creative. I create meaning through words, through photography, through dance, that I believe many can't do.
I am a talented dancer. I have this ability to portray the pure joy and elation I get from dancing. It's because of this that I have been able to teach students about dancing, and through teaching them dance, I have been able to be there and mentor them as they grow and learn about things in life.

Most importantly, I am these things because God created me, and Christ died for me. (Do you know any of your friends who have died to save your life?)
He has shown me what it feels like to be loved. And it's not even just an "I love you because of these things." It's an "I love you so so much because I made you, and it doesn't matter what you do and what you say, I will always love you."
It's because of this that I can show love to others.

So ladies and gentlemen, I propose this: We are not a perfect people. But we must learn to love what we are. Flaws, both physical and otherwise. We must love ourselves because we are loved! God loves you. You think that your past can somehow keep his love from you? Not true. He loves you beyond every single one of your flaws!

This pressure we put on ourselves becomes ridiculous...and we look at that as what we have to measure up to. Yet we can never attain it. And that's okay!

Read More

An article I once wrote...

This is an article I once wrote last fall about the upcoming election, specifically the MN senate race between Franken and Coleman. Since they are still battling out the ballots, I figured I'd post this.


After seeing countless attack ads and smear tactics from Al Franken and current Sen. Norm Coleman, you would think the better option would be to pick the independent candidate for Senate, Dean Barkley. However, that’s not nearly the case. This year’s election could potentially bring a time that is more disastrous than Gov. Jesse Ventura’s reign. Even though Minnesota hasn’t produced the best candidates this year, Senator Coleman is the best choice in this race for Minnesota Senator.
Remember Gov. Ventura? It’s almost like remembering the Alamo, but much worse. The newest clone of the pro-wrestler turned terrible governor is Al Franken, the comedian and entertainment representative – the only difference is the position Franken might hold. Al Franken could be Minnesota’s worst mistake since Gov. Ventura.
Not only does Franken have no political experience other than his radio talk show (oh wait, that’s not political experience, either), it seems he can’t even keep his own finances in order. In his time in New York, his company “Al Franken Inc.” failed to carry worker’s compensation insurance from the years of 2002-2005, and was ordered to pay $25,000 in fines. Many are failing to understand how this could just slip his mind three years in a row. How is he supposed to help Minnesota in this economic crisis if he can’t even run his own company right?
While Franken might be able to write a good comedic sketch for Saturday Night Live, it’s hard to believe he can write a good bill, or anything that might help this state and country. Comedy is appropriate in television, not on the Senate floor – especially when it’s our tax dollars at the risk of a terrible joke. To top that all off, Franken wrote an article in 2000 for “Playboy” entitled “Porn-O-Rama,” which six prominent women in the GOP claimed was “demeaning and degrading.” This implies just how much of an appalling role model and leader he is for the people of Minnesota. Seems to me Franken in this race seems to be the joke more than that “Playboy” article.
Independent Party representative Dean Barkley seems like the next best choice, but not by much more than the size of a slice of deli-cut turkey. One major problem is his service and alliance with Gov. Ventura. However, contrary to Franken, Barkley has had actual political experience. In January of 1999, Ventura appointed Barkley as the director of the Office of Strategic and Long Range Planning (also known as Minnesota Planning.) Barkley served in that role until Oct. 25, 2002, after Paul Wellstone’s death. Ventura appointed Barkley to take Wellstone’s senate spot until the election of current Senator Coleman in 2002. Those few months gave Barkley a small chunk of senate experience, as he passed a bill for a memorial for Wellstone and provided a pivotal vote in the last fragment in passing the Homeland Security Act. Barkley served a total of 62 days in the Minnesota Senate.
After a failed attempt to get a job at a prestigious law firm, Barkley then worked for a time as a contract lobbyist in St. Paul, where he represented casino interests, a tobacco firm and a group trying to privatize prisons. Barkley is currently a bus driver for Transit Team, which transports elderly and disabled clients. While Barkley is certainly a better choice than Franken, he does not have the ability to lead Minnesota through these turbulent years.
Senator Coleman is the best choice for Senate, although he doesn’t have flaming recommendations, either. Although Coleman may not be in the race for “Senator hall-of-fame,” he has shown himself to be firmly grounded. Coleman, who has held the position since January of 2003 when he took office, has had years of Senatorial experience. In his first two years as mayor of St. Paul, Coleman was a member of the DFL. In 1996, Coleman switched parties, claiming that while parties may change, his stances on abortion and gay-rights will not, so he stuck with his positions on pro-life and anti-gay rights. Since then, Coleman has remained a member of the Republican Party, and has worked on several different committees helping provide health care aid.
While Coleman has shown himself to be the most respectable of the candidates, he isn’t blameless on his ads on Franken. However, Coleman deserves our respect for sticking to his choices, even if that means changing parties. It’s reassuring to have someone in office that sticks to his guns and cannot be swayed by the sinking sands of politics.

Read More

What has the world come to?

Last night, a friend of mine shared with a group of us girls a story. The story was about her brother, and his love for the game of hockey. The story was also about the sickening, gruesome things that happened to him in the locker room.
Because I want to protect my friend and her family, I will not share everything here; it is also too graphic to post on a blog.
Because he would not participate in these graphic and sickening acts, he was then forced to "reep the consequences" by his fellow teammates. What they did was not okay. If this had happened in a classroom, just a short walk from the locker room, the teacher and students would suffer severe consequences. Yet because this all took place in the locker room and it's passed off as "boys will be boys", they receive no such punishment. Why is this?

There are two things that stick out to me.
First, I can't understand how this "hazing" can't be punished. The administration has known about this. It is required by Minnesota state law to both report and punish these actions. Yet people stand by and act like it isn't a big deal, when in all reality, this harassment has caused my friend's brother and their entire family severe emotional damage, so much so that professional counseling is sought. Why is nobody doing anything?

Second. I laugh at my friends when they make a suggestive joke. It's passed off as sarcasm. To the outside world, this isn't something to feel guilty about. It's just another joke. We see them all the time in television shows. The Simpsons, King of the Hill, even FRIENDS reruns. Yet now I see that even these can hurt people. Maybe not directly, but if I were in the presence of my friend and her brother, it would be a different story. I would not laugh. I would not even smile. Instead, I would look to her and her brother with eyes that wish to comfort.

My friend loves her brother. It's tearing her apart to see him being put in these situations, harassed by his teammates and no one to listen to his cries to make it stop. As an older sibling, myself, I understand the need to protect, and the feeling that when a younger sibling is hurting, you hurt yourself. She feels this, and it is ripping her heart in pieces to see her brother battling harassment with no one to reprimand and punish those who are doing it.

I beg everyone, first, to look in their own lives. Are there things being said to people who find it hurtful?
I then make a plea, to everyone, that when you see or hear of harassment, don't just stand around, waiting for someone else to make the call first. Be the one that yells at wrongdoers. Be the one who puts an end to the harassment. It's wrong. No if's, and's, or but's. It is wrong. Period.
In today's society, we have a tendency to look at things from a relative perspective, and with an "open mind." But there comes a time when an open mind just won't cut it anymore. An open mind does not change the fact that any type of harassment is wrong, and an open mind does not change the actions that cause severe emotional trauma.
It is not okay. Stop it now.

Read More

To tell a story

Mornings. Even just the word “morning” makes me sad. It sounds just like “mourning.” I have never been a morning person, and have truly enjoyed sleeping in past noon when I can. However, the life of a college student is much more demanding, and often before the sun rises I am forced out of bed. But even among my groans and stretches, I get excited every morning when I turn on the TV to the Today Show. I had watched the Today show here and there in years past, but I had never really cared about it. Then about two years ago, I found that seeing Meredith Viera and Matt Lauer tell news stories in the morning made me smile, and I was hooked.

The Today show has so much to offer for everyone. I enjoy learning new tricks to make delicious meals for cheap. I love learning new ideas for cost-friendly fashion. I enjoy listening to the news of the outside world, beyond the Northwestern Bubble. They have had every-day families on their show, with stories anywhere from overcoming tragedies to a family with 18 children. And although those stories catch my heart in a certain way, I truly enjoy when the anchors go around the world and show America what it is to live in places like Antarctica, Africa, and China. But most of all, I love the stories they tell. Every story is real, and mostly importantly, that each story is important.

The Today Show is my morning coffee. Every morning I feel like I’m a part of a family, who share everything from personal experiences, to tips on saving money, to beauty and health tips. I’ve tried watching other morning shows, like ABC’s Good Morning America or CBS’ The Morning Show, but there’s a connection to The Today Show that even words can’t describe. Maybe it’s because I have journalism blood running through my veins, or maybe it’s just because I enjoy the chemistry between the anchors. Either way, whatever chemistry The Today show truly has, it works for me.

The most important thing that I come out of after watching The Today Show is the sense of how to tell a story. I love people, and every person has their own story. I aspire to tell stories the way I've seen The Today Show has. I aspire to tell every person's story like it's the most important one in the world. I take that back. I WILL tell every story I write like it's the most important story in the world.

Read More

When We Care

Today our hall is getting ready for something the Northwestern Community knows as
"Knuha Day". This event promotes eight different organizations that help to better this world.
Each hall chooses an organization that they want to represent, then decorates their hall and creates a dance or human video that is later presented to an audience. The hall that puts on the best total presentation gets money to donate to that specific charity/organization of their choice.

Our hall chose "To write love on her arms" as our hall charity/organization. For time reasons, i won't go into crazy details about this organization, but to give you an overall view, it's focus is helping teenagers and young adults battle depression, cutting, and suicide.

Every one of us has had rough points in our lives. Some more dramatic than others. But much of the time, it doesn't matter the "degree" of the situation. When something difficult in life comes up, it's often hard to see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, where you feel like you are in a dark cave, and can't feel your way to the exit.

Often, when we're hurting, we feel that in order to be the best employees, the best friends, and the best family members, we have to be positive, upbeat, and happy. We walk around with a smile on our face and a chunk missing in our hearts.

"To write love on her arms" helps battle this. It gives the opportunity for everyone battling with depression and pain to feel love, knowing others know their pain and are there to help them find the exit.

In a little over two weeks, I, along with about 20 other women, will be performing a dance/human video that promotes what "to write love on her arms" is doing.
It's difficult to describe my "excitement" (if you can call it that) to use dance to show others the love and hope we can help give to those who need it.

That day will be a powerful one, and I can only hope that the love we pour into this project will empower us and others to show the love and hope others can have.

Read More

somtimes communication can sting

For the past school year, I've been in classes that have taught me about communication. How we communicate, how problems arise when communication goes awry, and how we can solve problems through communication.
When therapists, phychologists, and even the every day person say, "Communication is key," it's because it's true. But that doesn't mean it stings any less when it takes place.



For instance, I am currently on a dance team at our college. I have taken on the role of choreographing, teaching, and perfecting a kick routine in a matter of about a month. We have exactly three practices left.
Last practice, because of the Superbowl, practice was moved to an earlier time. Unfortunately, the time change took place less than 24 hours prior to practice. My understanding was that we would only have the early practice if everyone could make it. What I understood later, however, was that practice was moved earlier, no matter how many people could make it.

This created a conflict, as I entered practice expecting to see all 18 girls. I only saw 13. That means give of them would have to make practice time up. 5 of them needed to attempt the routine with the music. Multiple times. Knowing that they most likely wouldn't practice on their own, I was increasingly irked.

Later, after practice, the captains and I talked. It was good to get our feelings out on the table. It was beneficial to hear each other's point of views. But we all left after our meeting feeling as if we each were right. I still thought, and was still irked, that everyone was not there. They were irked that I was stepping across a line, expecting every member to attend.

I feel a little better about it now. I do. But the problem still is there; I still wish that people would commit fully to the team, instead of it's a "half and half" deal, when during tryouts people were asked if they were ready to fully commit to the team.

Communication is good, neh, it's great, and truly "key." However, when communicating hurts and wrongs, know that it won't immediately fix the pain and frustration. It takes time, love, and alot of patience to make it through battles still friends.

Read More

Of Racism on our Campus, and in the country.

I never thought I'd write about racism. I've never had too much of an interest, and mostly just thought it was a well worn-out topic on our campus. Yet I am writing about it...here and now, the same day our first African American president was sworn into office.
Today over lunch, I had an interesting conversation and debate with a friend about racism on our campus and in the country
Because of some privacy issues, I will not disclose names, nor the entire background of the story. Here, however, is a quick summary of the background. The night President Obama was elected President, there were several students from our campus, a few other people who were not a part of our campus, and a former staff member, all came onto campus late that night and painted "the rock". Painting the rock is a common occurance and is perfectly accepted. The words they painted on the rock, however, were not accepted, even tolerated by the school. After painting "Obama Rocks" on the rock, which was perfectly acceptable, that group continued to paint "Friends of NWC are racist." While painting the rock, students across the road were woken up to the sounds of racial slurs being shouted by these students. (I should mention this group of students were of different races...white, African American, Asian..)

For sake of time and space, I will allow that to be the brunt of the story I will share.
My discussion and debate today sparked and intrigued me.

The way I see racism is basically non-existant. My thoughts are the reasons why I might not interact with those in different races from me is not because they are of a different race, but because I either a) do not have any classes with them, b) do not live around or in the same room with them, or c) they are not in the same activities as I am.

This statement is partly true for me. I do not know alot, or am friends with alot, of people of a different race as I am. However, I am close friends with several people who are. But then it does not become about "I know and am friends with people of different races." It becomes, "I am friends with Priscilla, and Lolly, and Brian." Because I do not see them as a different race, I see them as my friends...people who I know because I share an interest of dancing, or an interest of working at camp. I do not go and randomly introduce myself to someone of a different race normally because I would not normally do that with someone of the same race. It is not meant as "I don't have an interest to talk to you because you are black." It's "I don't have an interest to talk to you because I don't know you."

This is how I view things. However, while talking with a friend of mine, I found that is not the way many others view it. The way he described it, they see things AS being racist.
For example: that same night, because they were causing disturbances late into the night, another small group (3 or 4 white students) came out to confront the group, who meant to just go ask if they'd quiet down. One woman from the rock-painting group started coming at the samll group, saying they're coming because they're racist. Immediately, one guy said, "This has nothing to do with race!" Later, when Campus Security pulled up, the rock-painting group automatically assumed they were being racist.

All this to say, in discussing this with my friend, he helped me see that the way I view racism is
a non-problem. The way those of different races see it as an actual problem, immediately thinking that those of different races are racist against them.

Now that my eyes are opened to this, I wonder how then to fix this problem.

If this is the way America truly sees it, I wonder how the African American community in America will view caucasions, or Asians, or Native Americans. How will Native Americans view Asians, and caucasions? How will Asians, view African Americans or Native Americans?

How will the election and swearing in of our first African American president affect our livelihoods as Americans?

Most importantly, how do we all come to a conclusion and make an effort to understand each other? How do caucasions look at Asians, or African Americans? How do African Americans or Asians or Native Americans perceive caucasions? What can we do to start seeing each other in the same light?

Read More