versatility in color

I love the color blue. I apparently love it so much I am writing about it. But the reason why I love it so much has more to do with it's versatility and beauty than just the fact that "it's my favorite color."

This has probably been one of the oddest topics I've ever written about, but for some reason it kept coming to me. So here I am, writing to you about how one color has made such an impact. Yes, odd it is, indeed.

Blue. It's the color of the ocean, the sky, and so much more...including my bedroom, currently. I recently painted my room blue and beige. I'm told they are the two most relaxing colors, and since relaxing is what you're really supposed to do in your bedroom, I decided to give them a go. I figured I'd put my creative mind to the test when I decided to mix those two colors to create an "on the beach" type of feel.

Growing up in Minnesota, I find myself drawn to the water. Two of my summers have been spent by a lake at a Bible camp, while countless other weekends have been spent at various lake cabins, lake-side campgrounds, and even paddling down the river. But it wasn't until just over two years ago when my family traveled to California where I discovered my love for the ocean. Even while we were there, I found myself constantly drawn to the beach-side for the calm and serene, yet powerful view. The waves crashing, the feel of the sand on your feet; It was then that I fell in love with the ocean.

So back to my room. They say your room should be a safe-haven, a quite resting place you can escape to when you need your alone time. It should be a place you feel comfortable and at peace. For me, it was the ocean.

Both interior designers and fashion designers alike have said that blue is one of the most versatile colors. It's easy to match, and in one shade, you get a color that has different emotions all blended as one.

My room is that versatile. I have only had my room like this for just a few short days, but already there's an understanding of just how one color can make you feel so differently. My shade of blue is bright and bouncy, yet deep and rich. It's happy and giddy, but also melancholy and thoughtful. It's exciting and adventurous, yet still so serene, peaceful, and comfortable. My mind still can't wrap around it. How can one color make you feel so differently? I can't even venture a good guess. All I can say is that this room makes me feel excited, yet calm at the same time. I love imagining the waves washing up onto shore as I drift off to a peaceful slumber, then wake to the same thing the next morning. Then during the day as I enter my room, it's a joy that abounds, almost making me feel like I need to go grab my swimsuit and learn how to surf. Yes, my shade of blue is a beautiful shade of blue. And with that, I will say no more.

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She caused him to stumble

Gov. Sanford has been the scrutiny of just about every news source lately. His affair with an Argentine woman was publicly uncovered recently, although others (including his wife) have known about his affair since late last year.

While at first my heart broke to see another Republican politician get thrown in the mud, my heart also reached out to him, wanting to give him a second chance. To be completely honest, that's usually how I respond to circumstances such as these. I still haven't gotten over the Clewinsky thing yet, but I'm coming to an understanding. Although our former president messed up greatly, his wife and he sought reconciliation before hatred. I respect that.

Most recently, the famous family, Jon & Kate Gosselin (plus their eight), have been in the midst of turmoil, including supposed infidelity on both accounts. But what I disrespected most about them is that they didn't seem willing to work it out. Kate had at first suggested she would to fight for their marriage, but either she lost the fight, or never intended to fight it out. What irks me the most was that the show has continued, and although it's on hiatus for an indefinite time (August 5th is the rumored return date), the producers are actually continuing with the show, just as Kate and Jon separate. What upsets me most is that the show will still continue, and it has appeared that Jon and Kate aren't willing to give up the show and all the perks that come along with it to seek guidance, counseling, or therapy in order to save what is most important - their marriage.

So back to the whole Sanford thing. Like I said, I wanted not only for me to give him that second chance, but for others to give him that second chance as well. Although he and his wife are living separately for the time, there has been every indication that a reconciliation has been in progress. There is a time for healing. I can only imagine the pain not only his wife is in, but also his sons. How terrible for children to learn that their father did not remain faithful to their mother. But as Sanford said just Saturday evening while at a beach house with his family, "If there wasn't healing going on I wouldn't be here." That's a good step in the right direction, Gov. Sanford.

As a journalist, my curiosity sometimes gets the better of me. I tracked down online copies of the emails Sanford had sent back and forth between his mistress, Maria. From what I've gathered, the two have been friends before this started, and just like Sanford said in his first press conference, "It began very innocently, as I suspect many of these things do." In the last year it had developed into something much more. According to the emails, well, I must give credit to where it's due. Gov. Sanford, in one of the messages, said that their relationship was crossing a line he never thought he'd cross, and how he needed to right this wrong. Although there were some provocative details about their love affair, he explicitly implied he wanted out, and he would rather stop the affair, knowing the pain it would cause to his wife and family, but also to her as well. He states in one of his emails, "My heart wants me to get on a plane tonight and to be in your loving arms — my head is saying how do we put the Genie back in the bottle because I sure don’t want to be encumbering you, or your options or your life."
Let me put it this way. I certainly cannot and will not condone the relationship they had. It caused an overwhelming amount of unnecessary pain for not only the family, but the entire state of South Carolina and the rest of America. It was wrong.
But when you read the letters, you begin to understand the turmoil he was going through. His heart truly did not want to hurt his wife, but the woman was the epitome of Eve in the garden. She could not see how wrong the relationship was. She condoned what they were doing in her own way - I'm still not quite sure how that works. She condoned their emotional relationship just as much as their physical one, further tempting him into the terrible decisions he now faces the consequences of. "I don’t know how we figure all this out and I am not interested in knowing," she tells Gov. Sanford in one of her emails.
They say, "It takes two to tango." While that is most certainly true, I must say that it seems like he was walking out the door as she was pulling him back in, and unfortunately, she won the battle.

Politically, I'm not sure what the circumstances are, so I cannot say with authority whether he should step down or not. But what I can say is that I do not want him to step down just because he had a black spot on a white jacket. South Carolinans seem split, but most say that he's been a good governor in the past. I do not wish to see this change just because of one sin, nor do I want America to judge based upon this one (very big) blemish. Politically speaking, In these uncertain economic times, it would be difficult for both South Carolina and the rest of America to go through the transition of power. Personally speaking, I would much rather see his marriage work out as he steps down rather than his marriage implode if he stays. A marriage comes first. That is my ultimate stance. If saving his marriage means leaving office, then I am in full support of his decision. But if it's possible to stay in office and reconcile this marriage, that is what I'd rather see.

Ultimately, I am proud of First Lady Sanford for willing to reconcile. I hope their Christian roots can bring a process of forgiveness and reconciliation that I know is receivable nowhere else.

The (true!) Biblical stories of Hosea and David set examples for situations such as these. From a Biblical basis, and from what I see here, the Sanfords are setting a precedent for marriage infidelities.

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A tragedy and a relief.

Michael Jackson. The past 24 hours have been flooded with messages, facebook status', tweets, blogs, and headlines about the King of Pop's death. However, if I'm being completely honest, I was never a huge fan of Michael Jackson. Yes, I definitely enjoyed the old-school Michael Jackson, back when he was that adorable little boy who sang "ABC, 123". Some of his other music has stuck with me just because of its use in movies, such as "Thriller," which has been in countless movies, or "The Way You Make Me Feel," which I knew from "Center Stage." "The Man in the Mirror" was probably the one song I truly appreciated solely from the MJ. The rest were just songs I could enjoy when I was in the mood, which wasn't often.

Like others, I found his progression after his childhood disturbing. The more he changed, the less I liked him. His latest face still sends shivers down my spine. It's truly ironic how "The Man in the Mirror" was his song, and it was his face that changed the most out of any man I've ever known. The more he changed, the more he seemed less like a human and more like an alien, which perhaps is why I couldn't connect with his music; It felt like the music came from a robot rather than a human. My mind would continually think of all the problems in his life, rather than listening and enjoying the beautiful ballads. It was the reality of his life that was the biggest hindrance in loving his music. Perhaps that's the true tragedy - not his death, but his mutation into a lonely, depressed, and self-mutilating human. It was then that many mourned the loss of the Michael they knew. It was then that his family cried out for help for Michael, knowing the fate he would one day endure. That's the real tragedy.

So, unlike the millions of others posting on their blogs how they are in tragic pain over the world's loss, I mourn not because of his death, but because now he will never overcome the problems he faced his latter part of his life.

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Step Up 2 Sinks Down

Being a dancer, I'm drawn to dancing movies. "Step Up" came to theatres almost three years ago now, and although it didn't bring the finesse that my favorite dance movie "CenterStage" had, it held a character of its own. Although I know Step Up 2 has been out for some time now, I finally decided to give it a go. That was my first mistake. The second? Leaving it on after the first ten minutes. The only thing that I enjoyed in this film was the special appearance by Channing Tatum, and that's only because his chiseled features and gorgeous eyes entrance me every time.

Where to begin? Let's start with the terrible acting. Briana Evigan plays the part of Andie, a rebellious teenager, who's mother died at age 16 and is on her last chance living with her late mother's best friend (seem familiar?). Her last chance to stay in Maryland, as from the previous Step Up, is attending the Maryland School of the Arts. Robert Hoffman plays Chase, the preppy boy-band, blonde-haired dancer. Supposed sparks are supposed to fly between Chase and Andie, but obviously I missed the cue, because I couldn't even see a sliver of heat between them on-screen. A romantic scene between the two during an evening party had the words cheesy and cliche written all over it, which left me cringing. After Andie is kicked out of her own crew, her and Chase randomly decide to start one. Soon, a group of wanna-be dancers meet to work on a routine for the big competition "The Streets." After they realize they suck, they start re-working their routine. In the meantime, Andie's ex-crew gets word of the new crew, and trash MSA's studio, which gets Andie expelled. It was a good decision by me, although it was far from the right reason. The crew falls apart, and the usual "I'm sad and miss you" montage of Andie, Chase, and the rest of the crew ensues. The next thing you know, the crew's back together at Andie's door the same night as The Streets competition. After arriving at the infamous underground competition, they're told they don't belong there, it's a competition for locals only, and that they should go home. And, as predicted, Andie gets up and starts in on the "It doesn't matter where you're from" speech (you know, the one we hear every movie like this.) Pretending to act ghetto, she plees to the crowd to let her crew dance. And, as predicted, they suddenly change their minds and cheer her on as they all rush outside in the rain to watch the final crew dance. The final dance had some interesting choreography, and the rain added a cool twist, but again, I was left lacking excitement. It was clear that some of their moves were stolen from past seasons of the hit Fox reality show, "So You Think You Can Dance," which I'm sure was input given by producer Adamm Shankman.

Step Up 2 lacks creativity, a good plot-line, original choreography, talented actors, and just about everything in between. To quote my favorite show, FRIENDS, "Well, the lighting was all right." If only that were enough to make a movie worth seeing.

If producers are going to continue with this "sequel" fad, they better be darn sure it's going to blow the original out of the water. Then maybe it'll stand a chance for it to actually be just as good as the first. Hopefully producer Adamm Shankman will keep that in mind while they're working on the newest sequel, "Step Up: 3-D." I sure don't want to torture myself watching another disastrous dancing movie again.

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Memories, like the corners of my mind.

You know how you are just going about your normal daily routine, then something, just some little thing, sparks something in your memory?
It happened to me today.
I saw frilly socks. You know, the cute little socks your mom used to dress you in when you were little? The ones with the ribbon or the bows or the lace on the top, and it folded down?
The second I saw those socks my memory was flooded with images of my childhood. The purple and white dress, with all the lace. The really poofy yellow dress. The other purple dress that had sparkly fruit on it. The pocahantas dress, or the floral/lace one mom sewed herself. Or the shoes. Remember the black shiny shoes that almost reminsced tap shoes? Oh, goodness. Then there was the hair; it was the really poofy hair, side ponytails, and poofy bangs, usually secured with a bow clip.

I remember waking up every Sunday morning, looking inside the hall-way closet for a dress to wear. I always wanted the ribbons and bows tied in front, not the back. I was certain it was supposed to go that way. Mom told me every Sunday morning it needed to go into the back, and I argued with her because I wanted it in the front. In the end, she usually won...that is until she was out of my sight.

Then there was Sunday School, then sitting through church, unless there was Children's Church (thank goodness). Then after church all of the kids would run around outside, usually playing some silly game or another. Jared, Briann, me, Jordy, Catherine...we'd all run and scream about until our parents dragged us home. We would also get yelled at for climbing on top of the church's marquee....for the thousandth time. Then we'd all depart.

I went back and looked through some pictures tonight. I wanted to remember the dresses and the socks and the shoes.
In the photo albums I found photos of things I had long forgotten. My stuffed Beethoven dog. At least, that's what he looked like. I can't remember if I called him Beethoven or something else, like "rufus". Then There was baby doll....baby doll had the longest eyelashes, and blonde curly hair. She wore pink cotten pajamas. And you can't forget the train set. It was filled with baby Sesame Street characters, and the train was set on a cloverleaf patterned track. In each of the four circles were different "amusement rides" they would ride. A merry go-round, a Ferris Wheel...one was something like an Alligator pond.
Or there was my Minney-mouse slippers. Pink, as Minney and I would both have it.

I learned that my cousin Kyle didn't like to smile in a lot of pictures. I did. This hasn't changed one bit. I learned that ages ago, Uncle Karl had these crazy side-burns that reminds me of John Travolta in Grease, and Kristy (my mom's cousin) was still gorgeous with her krimped frizzy hair early 90's hair. I learned that my mom, Aunt Sherry, Aunt Peggy, and Gramma all had crazy massive round glasses. I learned that once upon a time, Como Park/Zoo was a frequented place for my parents and uncle Karl/Sherry to visit.

There's a great deal that I remembered or learned tonight. I can't remember the last time I looked through those photos.

I can't help but wonder what it would be like to go back to those times...when life's biggest worry was when you got a cut or a scrape, getting yelled at by your mom for getting grass stains on your dress, or trying to convince your mom the bow belongs in the front. I know, I know..."It's all part of growing up."

But maybe, just for once, I want to be Wendy and stay in the land of Neverland, where you don't have to grow up.

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"being true to yourself never goes out of style"

"Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow." - Langston Hughes

I had the blessing and the phenomenal opportunity to see a fantastic musical in St. Paul tonight. My best friend and I had made today as our "get away from (most) school" day. This morning we had a photo shoot together, something we've done for the past few years just for the fun of it. After I was finished with my last class for the semester (woohoo!), and finishing up the eastiest and best Biology Lab assignment ever, I ran back to my room to get ready for our evening.

After a great dinner at one of my favorite places, the Old Spaghetti Factory, we drove across the river and into downtown St. Paul to experience what I had been waiting for, for almost 11 months... LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL.

The musical, the singing and dancing version of MGM's hit Legally Blonde, has been in town for about a week and a half, and tonight I was finally able to experience it. It was a fantastic show, and although it took a better part of me not to sing along, I couldn't have been more happy. Besides the fact that I sat in my seat the entire show like a kid in a candy store, with eyes wide open and a huge grin pasted on my face, there are some great lessons I took away from the show.

In the show, the main character Elle packs up and moves to Harvard Law School in pursuit of her ex-boyfriend, the incredible Warner Hunnington III. During her time at Harvard, she learns things about herself that even she didn't know, such as that she has the brains to become a successful lawyer, or that being judged by her hair color shouldn't stand in the way of accomplishing her dreams.

I also had the pleasure of speaking with the some of the cast after the show tonight, including Becky Gulsvig, who hails from Moorhead, MN, just minutes away from my old hometown. (oh the days of the good ol' Hawley Nuggets!)Rhiannon Hansen (finalist on the MTV show's search for the next Elle Woods) was also there, and of course a few of the other cast members. (I also got to do the bend and snap with Becky and Rhiannon, which was thoroughly enjoyable...now if only I can plug that in when I need it to work on a guy.) In their discussion with the audience, one of the last questions asked was about how the actors got to where they are, and what advice they'd give to aspiring actors. Amidst other good advice was the classic phrase "Never give up, and believe in yourself."

I couldn't help but walk away from the Ordway tonight feeling like I believed in myself. The problem is, I only believe in myself until something tells me I'm not good enough.
I am a trained dancer, which is by far my forte. I can sing, but the last formal training I've had was high school. I can act, although, like singing, the last training I've had was in high school. But in a world with talent such as Susan Boyle boiling to the top now, I know I have enough competition to keep my hopes low enough that I don't want to try.
Then Becky Gulsvig mentioned something tonight that's stuck in my brain. She said "be yourself." I know, I know. "Be Yourself" is such a general term, and we've heard it all a hundred thousand times. But what she said somehow plugged it different in my brain. She mentioned that in show biz, you can get turned down for parts not because you weren't a good enough singer. In fact, you may have been a better singer, but you were taller than the male lead. You literally have to be yourself to get a part...that fits you. They will choose YOU based upon who YOU are. She mentioned that you can admire someone else, but if you try to be like everyone else, you'll never get a part. It's being who you are that makes the part.

So what does this mean? I don't know. I know that I can't be anybody else but myself. And I know I still have dreams I aspire to accomplish. And I know that I can't tell myself "I'm not worthy," without even giving it a shot. So I am going to take that first step in a long staircase, and we'll see where it leads.
Regardless of whether or not I find a place in the theatre community, we all must seek out our dreams, because when we lose them, we lose a sense of self, a piece of our soul, and possibly our future. So whatever your dreams may be, tell yourself every day to be yourself, and that someday that perfect part will come along that fits you to a "T." And remember, as Vivian put it, "Being true to yourself never goes out of style."

Now I have to face reality, however, and get some sleep, because the next 5 days are going to be the equivalent of "study hell" in preparation for my finals.

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Hannah from Montana

Quick trivia fact: I used to live in Montana. My name's Hannah. I get called "Hannah Montana" quite often.

What people don't know about me, however, is that I secretly love Hannah Montana. Actually, I didn't for quite a while. My younger sister is in that "tween" stage, and of course is in love with Hannah Montana, so needless to say that when I'm home and she's in control of the remote, it usually goes to that show. I found it slightly irritating and annoying.

Then over this past Easter weekend, my sister pleaded for me to take her to go see Hannah Montana: the movie. Actually, it wasn't "pleading" as much as it was "You're taking me to go see it." After some moaning of my own, I decided that my friend and I would take my little sister and her friend to go see it. I was expecting to see the normal. You know, Hannah Montana is cool, her friends and her play pranks on her brother and laugh, then her friend and her get in a small fight then make up and everybody's happy. I expected wrong.

The beginning was as I predicted. Somewhat childish, Hannah Montana IS cool, and some laughs. But then the actual plot started suck me in. As the movie progresses, Miley's dad tricks his daughter into flying back to Tennessee...her roots. Well, actually, their roots.

I may be a city girl in many ways. I love having shopping malls nearby with just about every store imaginable. I love that a grocery store is literally a 2 minute drive away for me, and I can go see a movie on a whim because it's only another 3 minutes away from the grocery store.
But there's a side of me that boils up to the surface every once in a while. My father grew up on a farm. My father's father grew up on a farm. My grandmother grew up on a farm. My Grandmother's father grew up on a farm. Farming is in our family. My grandparents currently own their own farm, although they've sold most of their cattle. Their house sits on a thousand acre plot, which consists of green grass, ponds and streams, and the woods. My aunt lives 5 miles down the road from them, and among their own stretch of land roams their horses. Although I've lived in the city for all but three years of my life (and even then, it was just a development area), I have grown up as a country girl. Maybe not quite a farm girl, because I never learned how to farm. But I've helped my grandpa drive the tractor. I've helped milk the cows. I've helped peel the corn and pluck the chickens. I also take the four-wheeler out for some adventure out back on a consistent basis while I'm there. Much of the time it includes getting very muddy.

Hannah Montana: The Movie really hit home for me. While she's at "home", although quite relucant at first, she re-learns and re-affirms her life and roots in the country, full with ho-downs, horseback riding, and good ol' fashioned country singing. At the very end of the movie, she starts singing one of her "Hannah Montana" songs, pretending that she isn't Miley. But after all she's been through, she can't do it. It was on that very stage years ago that she started singing and country fairs and other events. It was with both her family and that same community that she grew up with. They knew who she was, but most importantly, she finally knew who she was. She stopped her "Hannah" song dead in it's tracks, pulled off the blonde wig, stripped off her "Montana" self, and became Miley again. It was in that moment that we all must realize our roots. We all must realize that we came from somewhere. Our past may not dictate who we are, but it is a part of us. And we can't throw it away for something we think is better, because denying that part of us is like denying a piece of our history, whether good or bad.

In Miley's case, it was good. It brought her home.


This weekend I drove up to my grandparent's again. And as I entered, I was greeted with hugs and kisses. The warmth that I felt while up there among the trees, streams, and green grass was more than I've felt in a cold city in a long time.

There's something refreshing and renewing about going home. It's a time to reflect, a time of perspective.

For all of you Hannah Montana haters out there, I urge you to reconsider. Miley Cyrus' performance is definitely not restricted to children, and the movie will have your hearts at home by the end. Feel the love and warmth this budding actress brings in her new movie.

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