Inspired.

It's so refreshing to have a new design on the blog. Like a fresh start, there's a renewed energy towards blogging. My beautiful friend Julia keeps inspiring me with her beautifully simplistic posts. Part of me used to, and admittedly, still does, think that I have to have something incomparably beautiful to blog about, and if I can't compose anything that could compare to Jane Austen, there's no reason to write it.

I had a Saturday excursion with the lovely Samantha Stevens, who I consider my writer-kicker-in-the-butt. She told me the same thing I knew but hadn't applied: whether it's crap or not isn't the issue. Quit being an editor and be a creator. So part of my creative process is gathering inspiration, which I've been lacking. So I've been flitting my way through pinterest lately, gathering bits and pieces of random inspiration. I don't know why they named pinterest instead of pinsperation. (Or maybe, just like me, when saying that out loud, they realized just how close that sounds to perspiration, which would not give the same effect.) I've been learning that inspiration is everywhere, and it is my duty as a creator to seek out inspiration to continue creating. So I'm committing to blogging at least once a week. It may be a little blurb, it may be a 1,000 word essay on the lessons learned from the last church service, but it'll be a post.

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The Trees Want You Back

 As I drive down the PCH and take in grand, picturesque views of the ocean, I am struck with awe. It still doesn't grow old - the piercing blue of the water. the waves that crash upon the shore and like a magnetic pull, are drawn back to the very thing that pushed them away. the adventures by the break-rocks, discovering starfish, anemones, and crabs. It's so unique to me. 

I grew up in a land where the deer bounded across the fields and the beavers kept daming up the brooke through my grandfather's farm. I enjoy exploring and spending hours staring out at the vast expanse in front me, knowing I am quite literally sitting on the edge of the United States.

Yet as I sit in awe and wonder, I yearn for the grass on the other side of the fence, the comfort of home.
(Here's where you grab a cup of a tea, press play and just listen... You're welcome.)


I've started listening to my fall playlist lately. It's funny how certain songs just bring you back to a feeling or emotion, a place, or a memory. I've been desperately needing a grand dose of Amy Seeley and A Fine Frenzy mixed in with Ty Burkum, Travis, Simon & Garfunkel, John Denver, Sarah McLachlan and of course my certain song selections of Lorie Line. 

I've been living in California for over a year now and the lack of true seasonal changes affects me more than I'm comfortable with. Usually around this time I look forward to our grey days filled with an autumnal chill. I enjoy sipping a chai as I take walks through the woods and around the lakes. I adorn myself in jackets and scarves, drive unhurriedly up north to towns like Taylors Falls, past Duluth into Grand Marais, and McGregor, and nestle myself in the quiet of the woods.

A drive with no ambition, meandering roads to a destination unknown.
Grand Marais Bound - October 2008

It's my favorite Northern Shore town.
Quaint and cozy, it's the home of one of my favorite authors, Susan May Warren.
Grand Marais, October 2005

From "Lookout Rock" in Taylors Falls, the St. Criox River.
Minnesota on one side, Wisconsin on the other.
Brought together by fall scenery.

One of my favorite places for walks while I was at Northwestern.
Just several blocks away this pathway wrapped around the lake. 

For whatever reason, as summer fades into autumn, I grow more introverted. I typically gather my energy from long nights filled with friendly laughter and mischief. Yet autumn falls upon me and I seek out the quiet nooks where I'd rather hide than seek.

It's unsettling, still, to have not found that place, that fallen log in the woods to sit by as the skies turn grey and the threat of the winter nips at the heels of summer.

There are sights I see here that I don't take for granted: the mountains as I turn the corner to head to work in the morning, the view coming down the grade, the complete vastness of the serenely blue ocean water, or the crisp green palm trees contrasted against the sky. I do love it here. It's quite exquisite, and whenever I return to the midwest, they will be missed.

In the meantime, forgive me if I'm a bit homesick for the crisp autumn air and the crunch of leaves underfoot. 

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Creating from the heart - the best place.

I was once told that in order to write a story, you need to write from a place that speaks to your own soul, and something you have knowledge about. I find that true of just about any creative endevour - is that in order to produce a work that feels authentic and true, you should create from a place in your heart.

About 5 years ago now, my cousin showed me a photographer's website, the music on which was beautifully executed by the talented Amy Seeley. I loved her from that moment. As a musician, she has a completely unique sound that moved me. As a photographer, who has gained her popularity on instagram, she has a touching quiet quality.

Between the two, she is probably the majority of my inspiration lately. She lives in Kansas City, which, though it's no Minnesota, her posts and lyrics speak to my home-sick soul in a way where I can come away feeling comforted and reminded of the places I call home. She speaks of pines, of plains, of fog and frost. (Just a note: I really don't even try to alliterate anymore. It just happens. I'm not sorry.)

As I suspected would happen (which it has) I get so homesick for things. Things like taking a drive from the cities up hwy 65 to Grandma and Grampa's farm, acres of tall grass, cow pastures, and tall pines that cover the land with a small path that delves into its depths. Things like the small creek of the dock on the lake, or footsteps pounding, a breath of silence, and then a big splash sound as someone runs on the dock into the water. Or the rush of adrenaline that you get from a stormy night, staring out the window to catch an incredible lightning show. Or even watching as the thunderheads form and seeing a storm approach.
Or listening to the rain let loose from the sky, sometimes in a steady sleepiness and sometimes in an anger-induced rage. Or the scent after a good storm.
During the winter it was the hushed tones and the stillness of the snow gently fluttering down, or the  cozy lazy days you bundle up in warm pajamas and wrap yourself up in a cozy blanket next to a window, watching as the wind shoves the snow up against the house. Or the sound of ice-skates on a frozen lake.
Things like a melancholy autumnal drive along Lake Superior, caught in vibrance of the colored trees against the pale foggy sky. Or the crunch of the leaves underneath your feet.

It's amazing the things you realize how much you miss when you don't have them anymore.

Amy Seeley's work has continually brought me back to those places, at least in my mind if anything. But more-so, she has produced within me a creative drive and vision. Finding my voice in writing and choreography has been a lot to do with her work. (There are several others that would take too much time to delve into tonight.)

So while I make time to write, to choreograph, to create...take the time to think what sounds you'd miss if you left your home. Think what stunning views you'd long to be among again. Think of the smells that'd force you to close your eyes and breath deep in their richness.
Now take those and create. Create a picture. Create a poem. Create a dance, a short story, a film, a song, a drawing, a new facebook cover photo.

Creativity is not just for the creative. It's for everyone. Remembering these things as you play around with ideas will help your work flow and give it a clear voice.

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Reflection can be a good thing

It's not often that I post these. Actually, it's very rare. But a friend of mine recently posted her annual "Year Reflection Questionaire"...and I thought it appropriate for me this year given that 2012 was a big year for me. So, here goes.




2012

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Live more than 500 miles away from my family.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I typically don't make any new year's resolutions. I think the biggest one is simply just to pursue my relationship with God even further, and everything else will fall into place.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. My girl Kerin gave birth to her "miracle" baby boy.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? None. Though I traveled across half the country this year!

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? I'm not really sure. I would like many things, but mostly just a solid job, finances and housing.



7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? July 31 - the date I arrived in California to begin my residency in the Golden Coast State.






8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Moving cross-country.

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my job. Not fun, but it lead to a great life-change.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing other than a cold or two, thank goodness.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Macbook Pro and my iPhone! Oh, and a plane ticket home for Christmas!






12. Whose behavior merited celebration? These questions are so difficult to answer. I suppose I could list off many of my dancers and gymnasts who have grown, both developmentally and socially.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Again, these questions are just too tough to answer. I work with children ages 3-15, so there will always be moments I go "You're kidding me, right?" But you correct their behavior and move on.






14. Where did most of your money go? Bills. Bills bills and more bills. (Part of paying the price for attending a private Christian college.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Abigail's wedding celebrations! Moving. :-) And then, 5 months later, being able to come home! Also, whenever anybody came to visit me in LA!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Gangnam Style, obviously. Otherwise, any of the songs we're doing for dance or gymnastics.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Slightly happier, I suppose. Homesick, but also confident that God has placed me in California.






18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I could have had the money to take more dance classes at Edge. It's a pleasure to teach, but part of teaching is also keeping up and pushing yourself technically and artistically, as well, and that includes taking classes. I also wish I would have been able to see more of my friends and spend quality time with them. I don't take any moment with friends and family for granted.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying and complaining (even if just in my head). Mainly about finances and life situations.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve - traveling! From LAX to Denver (with a 3-hour layover in which I wandered throughout basically the entire airport), then onto Sioux Falls, from Sioux Falls to Watertown. Once I was home, I enjoyed my walk around the neighborhood staring at the glittering snow covering the ground and the Christmas lights adorning the houses. Then we headed to a Christmas eve service, which is probably one of my favorite things - candles in the dark singing Silent Night? Can't beat it. Then I was blessed to be able to spend Christmas with my immediate family, grandmother, whom we were able to bring to the house from the nursing home, and Ruth (the 'other other' sister.)

21. How will you spend New Years? (though it's already past) It was spent at my grandparents' farm in northern Minnesota, with my grandparents, aunts, cousins, and immediate family. We played games until about 10:45, watched the ball drop for NY time, then went to bed! We were all pooped.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Always and forever: FRIENDS. But, thanks to Ruth, I've now added White Collar and Psych to my repertoire. (And can't forget my ongoing love-affair with Castle.)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. Silly question.

24. What was the best book you read? Am I too Christian if I say the Bible? In all honesty, I can't tell you how much of a joy and comfort its brought to my life this year compared to other years. This has been one of the most trying years for me, but my faith in My God has grown immeasurably because I have begun being much more consistent in my daily Bible studies. Aside from the "Christian" answer, I can't recall a specific one I've loved, but I continue to read as much Susan May Warren and Dee Henderson as I can. If you need a book to read, you can't go wrong with those two authors! (I'm currently rereading Susan May Warren's Deep Haven series.)


25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Too many! Lindsey Stirling, The Piano Guys. I discovered Sara Jackson-Holman last year, but she came out with a new album recently.

26. What did you want and got? aside from a new computer and the iphone, I really just wanted to live in a place I enjoy. I miss Minnesota and the Twin Cities immeasurably, and I miss being close to my family and friends even more. However, I know and am confident that living in SoCal is exactly what I need right now, and I am taking pleasure in being so close of a drive to the ocean.






27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't think I saw many movies, but The Avengers was SO GREAT. I'm still debating about how I feel about The Hobbit, though it's definitely a positive experience either way.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 25. I watered my mom's garden, dropped by the house my best friend and other friends moved into and discovered they were gone... and got a text from them saying "We're at Wal-mart right now, you can't come with." But it all ended just fine, since I returned after they were back and sent me a text saying it was safe to return.
I was greeted with an "Avengers" themed birthday! Including an avengers gift bag, one Avengers t-shirt, another t-shirt with a button that when pressed, talked or made noises akin to Iron Man (my favorite Avenger), an Iron Man cup, and most importantly, Iron Man 1 & 2. I also got another perfect and beautiful card from my bestie.


We proceeded to watch the movies. And as I returned to my car, I discovered they had toilet-papered it. I have such nice friends. ;-)




29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More Satisfying? That's intense. And I think that one comes down to attitude.
My big thing for me I've learned is simply being satisfied in Christ. Satisfying with what he has planned for me right now. I'm learning not to plan out my life and be disappointed when I realize I'm not where I thought I wanted to be. But I'm exactly where God wants me to be, and that has given me the most comfort and satisfaction throughout the year.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Moving to California, I feel like I've retained my "classic" taste, but it's been a little more "casualized" if you will. With such a laid-back atmosphere, I've found myself wearing things with a bit more of a beachy/earthy tone, which I normally don't do. I also have acquired many more scarves.

31. What kept you sane? Two things, both stemming from one: My relationship with God. A) Scripture. I think I soaked up more scripture than ever before this year. B) My friends and family. I have great friends that encourage and challenge me in my faith. Friends I'd talk to in tears this summer when I needed encouragement and reassurance. I have a family that understands "the call." They understand what it means to do things that make no logical sense because God has called you to do so. And lastly, friends in California that allow me to talk about Minnesota practically incessantly (though I'm sure there are groans and rolling of eyes) and friends that simply love me.






32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? If I had to choose one? Probably Christian Ponder or Adrian Peterson. From what I've seen, they've both grown immensely as athletes, and they are growing in faith with God.

33. What political issue stirred you the most? It has for quite some time, and will probably always do so: gay marriage. I have my reasons of why I'm against it, and if you wish to discuss/understand my decision further, it will be in another post. But really, it all stems from my growing frustration of my generation's sense of "Self-entitlement" and "Do what feels good." ..that everyone deserves things (not just addressing gay marriage.)

34. Who did you miss? Everyone back home. I am so blessed as to currently be writing this as I sit at home and my family is upstairs...my best friend and other close friends just a mile away, and having recently seen or will be seeing other close friends from Minnesota. But mostly my family. I've missed joking with my sister, hugging my dad and mom, and movie/massage nights with my bff. And that will continue to be so.

35. Who was the best new person you met? Wow! That's hard because I've met many new awesome people. I think basically anyone in the Emmaus group would be in this category.

36. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2012:


A) Giving up your life to be a living chess-piece in God's plan, especially when you don't know why he moved you? Taking a leap of faith in God when he does move you? Very very difficult. But entirely worth it in so many ways.


B) Working hard. Giving your all in everything you do.
C) When you spent more of your life immersed in scripture, it improves your outlook on life dramatically.

I think I simply just learned a lot about myself in this year, too.

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A Christmas Season Away From Home - Changes into Blessings

There's just something about Christmas that I love. Whether it's the chillier weather or drinking hot cocoa (with marshmallows, of course), Christmas parties with ugly sweaters and cute holiday dresses, watching ridiculously cheesy hallmark Christmas movies as well as all the other "staples," or being able to open that playlist entitled "Christmas music" without getting awkward evil glares from the person in the car across from you at the stoplight (what...that hasn't happened to me...), it's just a great time of the year.

For me, however, this year was truly the first without being near my family. 5 months without them has been rather difficult, and this time of year was no exception. Before I moved out here, I cried, night upon night, knowing that this season would be the first without the people I love so dearly. I was lucky enough to snatch up low-priced airfare for Christmas Eve day, but that's so many family traditions I missed during this season.

Blasting Christmas music and decorating the tree, bringing out the ornaments that hold so much meaning and laughing but secretly loving all the "ugly" ornaments I made as a child. Watching "White Christmas" with the family and internally slightly glad that my dad cries when they march out at the end. Baking up a storm with the family...though secretly, I just liked to eat the fudge and andes mints.
And snow. And no, (believe it or not) the midwest doesn't get snow EVERY year. As a matter of a fact, it was 50 last Christmas. But this year there was snow I was missing. The white that falls from the sky, the way it hushes and quiets the land. There's a peace and a gentleness that comes with the snow. 

Dad putting up the Star on the Christmas Tree.
I was able to Skype into the celebrations and watch as they decorated.

I missed a lot this year. 

But through it all, something else shined through. It was something that was always there, but because I've been so focused on holding onto traditions and enjoying the simple things I love, I think in years past I've taken my gaze off of the meaning of Christmas: the birth of Jesus Christ.

Have you ever been in a hospital to meet a brand new baby? Or even just held one in your arms? I'm sure most of you have. Can you remember what that feels like? To have your gaze completely glued to their unbelievably tiny toes and fingers, bopping their little noses with your finger and cooing at them? My gaze has been fixed on Christ this Christmastime like no other.

And this advent season, I have been reminded of that time and time again. I have been reminded that even though there is no snow here, that my family is elsewhere, that I'm missing so many of my traditions...God doesn't change. He is still the same God.  "He is my rock, my fortress, and I will never be shaken." (Psalm 62:2) 

And the entire reason for Christmas doesn't change. No matter where I go, what I do, that doesn't change the fact that it is HISTORY, FACT, that Jesus was born in a little town named Bethlehem some 2000+ years ago just to save the world. 

(Luke 2 is a great place to read this amazing piece of History, by the way.)

I am grateful for this Christmas away from home. Not in a way where I'm grateful to be away from people I love and things I love to do...but in a way I'm grateful God stripped away the things that aren't as important in my life as the Reason for the Season: Jesus.

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The sun is shining, the grass is green. Huh? It's December?

tree tops glisten and children listen to hear sleighbells in the snow

As I'm...oh, I don't know, like too many days behind my Christmas song posting...I figured I'd start back up again with one I guarantee you'll know and love.
Now enter the beautiful crooning of Bing Crosby singing: "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas...."
What a beautiful and glorious holiday song. It is the most covered/recorded Holiday song.
And as Christmas looms closer and closer, we all wish to be "home." This song isn't about anything but simply the longing for traditions, familiarity, a childhood fantasy of the Christmases we were used to before life took us away to a grown-up world.

What most people don't know is the original lyrics to White Christmas included a verse that preceded the main choruses. Irving Berlin, the composer and creator of this Christmas Classic, was away from his family in New York at this time, and simply wishing to be with them instead of Hollywood where he was working on a project. He sat down to his piano, and in the only key he knew how to play in (F# for those musically inclined,) and plucked out the following tune:
"The sun is shining, the grass is green,
The orange and palm trees sway.
There's never been such a day
in Beverly Hills, L.A.
But it's December the twenty-fourth,—
And I am longing to be up North."

Since my recent move to Southern California (I'm just a short drive from Beverly Hills), this verse makes all the difference to me this year. What a testament. Though we've had cooler temperatures than the infamous "July Fry," it still mostly feels like a warm fall day.

The song then goes into the famous chorus.
"I'm dreaming of a white christmas. Just like the ones I used to know. Where the tree tops glisten, and children listen to hear sleighbells in the snow. I'm dreaming of a White Christmas with every Christmas card I write. May your days be merry and bright...and may all your Christmases be white."

If you don't mind, I'm going to indulge myself in a tad bit of storytelling here.

When I was a young girl, I grew up in a small town in Minnesota. I could hardly recall a Christmas without snow. Every year during the Christmas season, my town would host a weekend Christmas celebration. And on that Saturday, they would open up the local community center as a "kids shopping" day. Tables were filled with knick-nacks and tokens as kids would buy their gifts for their family members. And on that day the town also hired a local horesman to hook up a wagon filled with hay behind a couple of his horses. And for that day, all day long, he would drive that wagon around town. Children would race and hop on the back for a ride, and he would drop them off at the community center for their shopping. The ground would be white with mounds of snow, the children would be all bundled up in their winter coats, snowpants, boots, hats, mittens and scarves, and the sleighbells would jingle from the horses necks and around the wagon.

Looking back I realize how blessed I am to have had those memories. Those beautiful white Christmas memories. Where the treetops really did glisten and glitter from the snow's reflection in the sun or the streetlamps. And where children listened to the sleighbells jingle from the horses as it drove by, signaling their time to run out and hop on the wagon.

I may not write Christmas cards, but currently I'm writing this. And I truly do wish that your Christmases be merry and bright...and that your Christmases be white. Because there's just nothing like a White Christmas.

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32 Days of Holiday Harmony

Those of you who know me know I love Christmas. I love everything about it. There's a sense of joy and wonderment, of excitement and glee, of rejoicing and peace. And one of the things I look forward to every year is plugging in my iPod and letting my "A Merry Little Christmas" playlist blast through the speakers. Of the nearly 3,000 songs I own, I'm estimating at least 400 of them are Christmas songs. (I kid you not.)

So in the next 32 days before Christmas, I am going to take you all on a journey through my playlist - picking out my top 30 (In no particular order) that you should be listening to this holiday season.

Day 1:
Michael Buble - Jingle Bells! (Feat. the Puppini Sisters)

(Sorry, everyone - looks like you'll have to watch on youtube - but come right back!)
To be honest, I could probably feature the entire album. Let's be honest here: Not many artists have the power to melt a girls' soul with just the sound of his voice... but Michael Bublé is one of them. A number of years ago, he released his first Christmas album, entitled "Let it snow!" with just 6 tracks on it for girls to swoon to. But what every girl in America didn't know at the time was, well, Michael Buble could do better, something he intended to do from the start.
Michael Buble has said that the holiday season is one of his favorite times of the year, and he always wished to put out a Christmas album that reflected his childhood. As a child, the only Christmas record his parents owned was Bing Crosby's "White Christmas." In an interview with "The Telegraph" he said that album would play in the house from late October through Christmas, introducing Buble to the crooning wonders of jazz. Being the first album he remembers hearing, it played a significant role in his musical stylings. After the success of his first Christmas album, Buble sat down and started piecing together what he considered his favorite renditions of his favorite Christmas songs - songs that meant something to him and would eventually mean something to his audience. In 2011, Michael Buble released his long-awaited Christmas album: "Christmas!" - a fitting title.

In his version of Jingle Bells, featuring the lovely and harmonic voices of the Puppini Sisters, Buble brings to life the old-fashioned sounds of a 1940s Christmas.

Day 2:

BarlowGirl - Angelic Proclamation

From the days of "Never Alone" and "Mirror" off their self-titled debut album in 2004, I fell in love with the three sisters' blend of voices. Lauren, Alyssa, and Rebecca Barlow have since been singing together, and just recently announced their retirement. In honor of the music they have produced together, they are my day 2 pick.
The title of this post is 32 days of holiday harmony, and these three girls certainly create some of the best. Between the crystal clear vocals and enchanting sounds of a full orchestra backing their harmonies, this Medley of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!" and "Gloria In Excelsis Deo" will certainly get the Christmas magic going.

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